On Track

So I am still on track with my training! I did a 20 min workout on Wed night after all. It felt a lot easier than it used to, so that was good.

Yesterday I was in a bad mood. I've been having a lot of anxiety lately (which has been motivational for running, actually). There are a lot of things going on in our life right now that have us both stressed out. Plus, I'm dealing with my little baby turning 1! I also had an epiphany that part of my anxiety is probably due to the emotional stuff coming up around my mom's death. Last year, I was a bit pre-occupied giving birth/getting to know my baby to deal with the anniversary of her death and so I think it is coming up for me now. There isn't much to say other than I really miss her and I am so sad that she and Raviv will not have the joy of knowing each other.

Anyway, I got home and I was stressed out, Bil was stressed, and clearly Raviv was stressed in response. He was very clingy to me, and after putting him to bed, he kept waking up screaming. This is very unusual for the little guy. He isn't a big napper, but his bedtime is sacred. I just hope that Bil and I can find more productive outlets for our stress so that Raviv feels safe.

Yesterday was supposed to be a rest day. I had thought that it was supposed to be near 50 today so I decided I would run at work given that we have guests for Shabbat dinner tonight. Well, after a glance at the weather report I realized that it was actually going to be FREEZING today (single digits). Given the bad mood I was in, I decided to run it out yesterday.

I had a good run. But rather than use the run as a meditative time, I watched TV. I watched "Modern Family" which is really funny. I had never seen it and it made me laugh out loud while running. So now today I can rest and have my much needed Shabbat.

Funny Story: Not really something I observed, but so funny I have to share. Yesterday Bil's school smelled like dog poo all afternoon. Apparently someone had been letting their dog crap on the playing fields, the second graders all ran through it and tracked it throughout the school!

Need motivation!

So I am supposed to run two miles or cross train and do strength. But I *REALLY* don't feel like it. I guess I could do a 20 minute Biggest Loser DVD and accomplish both goals, right? Given that this is the official week 1 of my 1/2 marathon training schedule, I think I'm in for a long 12 weeks.

Cemetery by credit?

Funny thing today: Driving by a local cemetery I noticed that the big sign for it has a new addition- apparently they now take MasterCard and visa.

I'll have to get a picture. Not sure how to stop my car and do it on a busy road.

Fat people are inspiring

So last night, according to my half marathon training schedule I was supposed to run three miles. Well I did. And it sucked. Really, the whole time was awful. And then afterwards I was really anxious. A bath helped me relax and I slept well.

Today, I was supposed to run two miles or cross train, but I felt good so I did three miles. I figure tomorrow I'll do the two mile or cross train and the strength training. Maybe one of my Biggest Loser DVDs.

Which brings me to my point of the post. There is nothing like watching fat people work hard that makes me realize that I can do it! Plus it is distracting to be watching TV while running, which I haven't done in a while.

Funny thing: Usually I try to look for things that aren't related to my own child, but not much happened today- except Raviv is now interested in the contents of our freezer. Specifically, he is interested in the frozen breast milk. I think it is funny how he is a man on a mission the second that door opens!

As for yesterday- I overheard that my dads friend's hybrid lost battery power. And the doors wouldn't unlock. But she was in the car. Yes, she got locked into her electric car.

The truth?

So today I went back to hot yoga. It was realllly nice. I was a bit sore from running so frequently over the last week and being in the heat, stretching felt good. I was able to stretch in places I didn't even know I was sore! I went to the "basics" class and thought it felt easier than last time I went. But then I realized the last time I went was in August, so it must be that it wasn't so painful heat-wise.

Tomorrow it is supposed to pour, but be warm so I might go for a run in the rain!

In the past three days I have had intimate discussions with three Friends whose marriages are ending. One has a baby, one has two grown children, and one has no children. It is times like this that I realize blogging is both positive and negative. I would like to write more about how I feel about each of these situations, and what fears and struggles I've had with my own marriage since having a baby, but at the same time I don't want to violate the trust of people I know.

In fact, I started this blog because I had a lot to say after staying with friends for three days about their relationship. I witnessed a lot of funny and several uncomfortable moments that I wanted to write about. But I would only have been able to do so anonymously, and I'm not very good at that.

A bigger question is why blog? For me I enjoy the accountability that comes with documenting my progress towards goals. And I enjoy having somewhere to share my accomplishments with running etc. But really, who cares? I guess that the perfect combination of living in both a voyeuristic and narcissistic culture makes blogging so appealing.

As a side note- I think I'm going to start documenting something funny every day. I tend to see a lot of amusing things in this world (though admittedly, I am easily amused). I think it would be good for me to document these little gems of my day along with all the whining I do here.

Todays amusement (and this took me a minute) But Bil and I were going to the grocery store and walking along the side of the road, in the freezing rain was some woman with the most bizzar stride. She looked like she was supposed to be in a movie the way her posture was so rigid and she had such bounce in her step. Like when a movie shows a crowded street and yet you know exactly who to look at. Plus, she looked a bit like Dorothy Michaels in Tootise. With red boots. We both thought it was the oddest, funniest thing.

Karma is a bitch

So yesterday Bil told me he would pick up Raviv from daycare, which meant I didn't have to rush out of work. It was a sunny day so I packed up my sneakers and running clothes and brought them to the office in case I decided to run.



At lunch, I had a delicious soup from the Black Sheep, but then I couldn't help myself- the strawberry honey bars had been calling for days and I had to try it. So I bought one. The first bite was sensational! SOOOO GOOOD! But in the end, I couldn't even finish the pastry. It just tasted...too sweet! This has never, ever, happened to me. I have always heard people say that if you cut out sweets and sugar in general, you will lose the taste, but I never really believed it. Well, now I do.



About 10 minutes later, I got a really bad headache. Then, I was sooo tired for two hours. I was really surprised how much this dessert effected me.



But, after a meeting at 3, I decided I would go for my run. I figured it might help me to feel better. So I pumped, put on my gear, looked up a run that would be about 30 minutes and off I went.



Now dear reader(s?) you may recall how I am the asshole who didn't shovel her sidewalk. Well, let me tell you, I got mine. About four minutes into my run I fell on a patch of ice on an un-shoveled sidewalk. I hurt my hand that had just finished healing from another fall, and got huge scrapes on my knees. There was blood all over my pants. So I got up and turned around, walking lamely back to the office. But then, I decided to just try running again. And it wasn't too bad, so I re-routed my run and completed my three miles.

Today it is sunny again, so I went out with an ice-chopping shovel and worked on the sidewalk out front. It isn't as good as the rest of the street, but it is a bit safer. I plan to run again today, hopefully my "long" run of 4 miles (12 weeks and 1 day until the half marathon!), even though it is cold. Of course, I forgot to put the laundry (i.e. running gear) in the dryer, so I have a bit of time to procrastinate.

No activity tonight

Ironically, it is partially because I'm in such a bad mood. I was starting to get in a foul mood, went out to dinner with a friend, felt better and then came home. But now it is too late to exercise and I'm feeling bad again. Hopefully things will be better tomorrow.

Ow.

I walked into my house this evening, and before I knew it I had PLOWED through the kitchen eating everything in my path. Okay, compared to what I USED to eat on a binge, it was minor, but still an overload from how I've been eating recently.

AND I just deleted my long post. Ugh. Long boring story shortened: Despite having a horrible headache/fatigue earlier today (probably from not eating very well at lunch or drinking as much as usual) I ran after eating my kitchen. And I don't even remember making the decision to run! All of the sudden I was on the treadmill doing an interval workout!

Now my treadmill is calling for lube. Really, it lights up and says LUBE. I thought I just did it last week, but I guess I didn't do it correctly.

Oh, and the ow part is that I didn't warm up/cool down properly, or stretch well and now my back hurts. But my headache is gone.

One good thing about a treadmill...

...is that I have access to the Internet. I have discovered that I can listen to Pandora Radio on my iPod! I am getting a bit tired of my running music, so this was a big help tonight. I even got another mile in by doing some "speed" work during the chorus'.

I have to say, I'm feeling good about myself. Today I went to the bookstore and got a book about eating to balance your body's pH levels. I think I might be ready to tackle both eating AND running at the same time!

I'm kind of a jerk...

This morning I woke up to a wet, heavy snow. Bil is at a conference, so it was up to me to shovel. We actually get our driveway(s) plowed, but today it looked like only an inch or so and since the plow hadn't ocme, I decided to just do it. My aunt had stayed over so she played with Raviv when I went outside.

The snow was actually about 2 inches, but it was sunny and warm (above freezing) so it was getting slushy and heavy. The end of the driveway was probably about 6 inches deep because of the plow. Unfortunately I was too far in to stop before I realized how difficult it was. Even after I shoveled, there was a layer of ice/packed slush coating our driveway. By the time I finished our driveway, I needed to leave to get to an appointment (okay, play date) with Raviv. And my aunt needed to go to work. So I left without doing the sidewalk. Meanwhile, when I returned home it had warmed up enough that the ice had melted. A shiny, wet black line cut through everyone's front yards. Except mine. Yup, every single person on our street had taken care of their sidewalk except me.

I had to go to work, and by the time I got home it was dark. But I also have Raviv and I'm alone so I don't really know how to go out there and shovel. Maybe tomorrow I can wake up early, bundle up Raviv, stick him in the stroller and shovel. Of course, now the snow has probably melted down and re-frozen into blocks of ice.

As for running- I've been trying to ignore my sore shins. I've never had significant problems with my shins, so I'm not too worried, but I decided to take it easy today. I really didn't want to run, but promised myself I would. So I decided to do two miles on the treadmill. Once I was on, I of course felt better and kept going a bit. I ended up doing 2.5 miles. It wasn't what I would call fun but I'm glad I did it.

I have seen the scale start to move in the last few weeks, and this has been motivating. I've decided that I would like to be at my pre-pregnancy weight (or at least very close) by Raviv's first birthday. I figure a year is a good amount of time. Of course, I'll probably have to weigh myself first thing in the morning, after nursing completely to make it, but that's okay.

Winter Running

Yesterday I ran outside, in the cold! It was actually about 41 and sunny, which was a break from what feels like constantly dreary, frigid weather lately. This run felt so good! Usually I refuse to run outside unless it is 45 degrees at a MINIMUM and even then it isn't with much enthusiasm. Although I was physically still struggling it felt really good to be outside in the sun. I had good music, and I wasn't encumbered by a diaper bag, baby, work bag etc. Because it was so warm the snow was melting and I kept stepping in puddles, but my feet weren't cold so it was fine. If I am going to train for this half marathon I will need to do long runs on the weekend outdoors, and with several more months of winter it is likely I'll be out on some cold days. This may be an excuse to invest in some good, warm running gear.

Today I was grey and dreary again and about an hour ago a "wintery mix" of snow/rain/sleet started to come down. Bil is out of town for the next three days so although I could have dropped Raviv off with my dad, I didn't have it in me to go for a run. So instead I sat on the couch and read runner's world magazine.

Ironically, instead of inspiring me to go out and log many miles, it made me decide NOT to run tonight! There were repeated articles about not adding mileage until you are fit. Which I'm not. I'm not sure if it is because the issue is on newsstands in January and they worry about people getting overambitious (like training for a half marathon that is May 2 with no "base" to build off of) or if it is genuinely sound advice. I decided for today it was sound advice and so I sat on the couch in front of a nice warm fire while Raviv and my dad played.

Maybe I'll take the lead from Missy and organize something instead. Or maybe I'll just make some tea and sit on the couch and read.

Things I Saw Today That Scared Me

1) A woman with Kate Gosselin's hairstyle (not the new one). On purpose.

2) A woman who was nursing her baby in a restaurant (not scary) had normal looking boobs at first, but when she took one out to nurse the baby, it was like the baby was sucking at her belly button! It was like one was where it was supposed to be, and the other was down around her waist. It was so weird. And the scary part- I'm afraid this will happen to me! I'm not going to post a picture. I tried to find one, but any search with the term "breast" or "boob" for a blog-appropriate pic just isn't useful.

I HATE to cook. And oh yeah, is training for a half marathon overambitious

So I started out the day talking with my co worker who was recently inspired to run a marathon. I too have always harbored dreams of running a marathon. Some day. But maybe that day is soon? I have to say I am getting caught up in the excitement. But I can't fathom training for a marathon on a treadmill, so I think training for a half is a better idea. The race we're thinking of is in May. By then, I could do the long runs on the weekend outside while Bil has Raviv, so maybe I would go for a fall marathon?


This all sounds great in theory, but tonight I got on the treadmill and again, it sucks. There is no way around it. Maybe it will be better when I can run without feeling like I have lead for legs, but I'm not sure I can spend the next 12 weeks logging so many miles on that thing. So for now, while training involves VERY low mileage, I might as well keep going.


So after my long run (long time, not long distance), which I got a late start on as I decided to lube and adjust the belt that has been skewing left (took 30 minutes, and as soon as I got on it went back) I had to cook. Now, I rarely cook. I don't mind making up simple recipes with fresh, healthy food. I like the flavor of *real* food. Recently I made up a really good kale, tofu and miso paste recipe we both like. But Bil loves to cook and he loves to have people over. So given that we are having 10 for dinner tomorrow night, and he has a meeting, he asked me to make the soup. Oh yeah, and if I didn't mind could I make some cookies? He claimed it would
"relax me" and I would have fun doing it. Does this man not know me? I hate the time it takes, the mess, and the waste of my precious time I could be doing something I enjoy.


The soup is a really delicious mushroom barley soup that takes 2.5 hours to prepare. Towards the end we need to make a roux (butter and flour) but we are having chicken for dinner so I need to use margarine. I have such a visceral hatred of margarine. It goes against all I stand for. I'm not sure I am even going to eat the soup. Anyway, the soup is simmering away and it was time to make cookies.


I am a disaster following recipes. I much prefer to make stuff up. Somehow I always mess up a recipe, usually because I'm too impatient. But, chocolate chip cookies it is. So tonight, as I'm trying to soften our crusty brown sugar in the microwave, running eggs under warm water to get them "room temperature" and unwrapping sticks of margarine *shudder* I am getting more and more resentful. Anyway, just as I mix all the ingredients I look at the cookbook and realize I forgot to add the orange Zest. So I find the zester, scrape the rind and think to myself "I didn't realize orange zest is in chocolate chip cookies. Must be because this recipe is being made from scratch?" but as I go look at the recipe, I realize the page has turned and I've started to make a recipe for chocolate orange pecan cookies. Luckily the only real difference was I needed 2 sticks of butter for these cookies, but I'd only put in 1 1/4 sticks (though I thawed two sticks!). I couldn't bear the thought of touching more margarine, so I decided that two cap-fulls of canola oil had to be the same thing (can you see where I get myself into trouble?)


Anyway, I decided that it would be tastier to bake the cookies fresh tomorrow night so the dough is sitting in the fridge, the kitchen is semi clean, and I've still found some time to veg out. The one good thing is that I probably won't eat these cookies given that they are made with margarine and pareve chocolate. I mean really, what's the point?

The home gym or a coat rack?

Here is a picture of my home gym- note the awesome bookcase provided by my friend Susan on which I can set my computer (perfect fit and perfect height) so I can watch episodes of the Office. I put the baby monitor on the shelf below. The treadmill is loud, and with the headphones for my "TV" I wouldn't hear Raviv. The monitor is cool because if noise is detected it lights up red. This way I can just keep an eye out for Raviv.

My biggest challenge is not letting it become the proverbial (okay, literal) clothes rack. Last week I used it twice, but this week I had to travel to Albuquerque for work. I was very excited because the hotel website led me to beleive there would be a great gym and a pool so I packed sneakers, gym clothes, my baithing suit, googles and a swim cap. Unfortuantely, between stepping on the airport at 8 am Sunday morning and stepping off when I returned at 11pm Tuesday night I did nothing but sit. Not by choice mind you. This was one of those meetings where I worked the ENTIRE TIME other than sleeping. (Which by the way, was awesome since I didn't have one ear open for a child in distress!). Other than a group photo I literally did not leave the hotel. I didn't even have dinner on Monday night I was so tired. The conference room didn't even have windows. It was a good meeting, but sucked the life out of me.

Which brings me to tonight where I continue my marathon sitting experience nestled on the couch in my ass-shaped cushion dent watching crappy tv. I cannot bring myself to exercise tonight. I won't even watch my recorded episode(s) of The Biggest Loser since I know I'll feel guilty. If a 500 lb person can work out, shouldn't I be able to at least walk or jog for 20 minutes? Or even engage in some decluttering like Melisa?






In other news, I was expecting Raviv to be very clingy and cuddly today since I was gone for so long (well, it felt that way to me) but apparently he couldn't care less that I was back. Sure he was excited for fresh food but other than that he's been off doing his own thing. Though I've been away from him ebefore, this trip was really hard.






OK, now that I've realized how lame I'm being sitting here writing a boring blog post, I'm going to do something productive before I go to bed (early) tonight. Stay tuned to find out what it is I decide to do...

Blogging take two

My good friend started blogging again this week and has given me a renewed interest in reviving my own blog. Taking a few minutes of the day to reflect on my goals is something I enjoy doing. Melisa has very clear goals for the next twelve months which I find inspiring, but only as long as I sit at my computer reading her blog while I pump so Raviv can have food at daycare. Somehow when I get home I have forgotten all about my own goal to de-clutter and clean.

With the start of the new year and new decade I find people all around me making goals and resolutions for how things will be different this time around. This year, things feel different for me. I am now sleeping through the night, Raviv is getting more independent, and Bil has also decided to make some changes. Given these shifts in my life, I've decided to recommit to running and exercising. Again.

So far so good- I have run the last two nights in my home gym (picture forthcoming). Though I only did two miles each time, it was 30 minutes (with warm up/cool down) of torture. It hurt. It was boring. It was hot. But, those 30 minutes were a small price to how much better I have felt during the other 1,410 minutes of the day. So for roughly 2% of my 24 hours allotted daily, I am uncomfortable but feel good for the other 98% of the time. Seems like a good deal to me!